Okay, here I am remembering the times I had seen her give herself her so called MS medications. I am still floored at the idea my daughter is shooting Heroin into her veins, no it just made no sense to me.
Yup, I thought only people with no homes to go to or those who had no one to care for them where the ones that did Heroin, wow how wrong was I???
As I finally am able to get to the phone to called my daughter as I still have no idea on how I'm going to approach her on the subject I'm feeling a slight light headed and my belly was doing flip flops and I can feel my heart racing and I freeze up and had to wait until I get through what I was having which was a panic and anxiety attack combined. They are not pretty and you feel like your getting ready to have a heart attack or even die.
I calm down about an hour later and pick up the phone to call her and as I bring things up of course I'm hearing all the lies but at the time I still wanting to believe her. As we move on in our conversation she starts to get defensive and starts yelling and then screaming at me and finally I said I have had it, what you are doing is what they call main lining. She don't say a word and now I'm all over her screaming and telling her I sick I was to think my daughter came into my home and shot up in front of me. What a fool I was, I cried for hours.
That day was not to good for me and I called to get me a therapy session and fast, I got in to see her the next day and I was a mess. I'm reminded about the Serenity Prayer and of course I don't want to hear I have no control over things in life even more so when it comes to my daughter. I was such a mess for such a long time over my daughter doing this to herself that I thought for sure it was going to kill me before it could kill her.
Now as I'm doing all I can to absorb all that I had learned I get a call from my Father, he tells me he needs to go to have a tube put in his neck, I stood in shock with my mouth opened and I remember I was at the store and cashing out and they just stopped because the tears just poured down my face and I took a gulp and let my dad know I had the phone on call forwarding and I would be home as soon as possible. I hang up and I almost fall but I caught myself and the woman asked if I wanted to sit down or call someone and I let her know that I would be fine just cash me out please. My first thought is to get someone to my Father right away because I did not want him alone at such a bad time so my husband got to my Father in about 20 minutes.
I'm sorry, I need to stop here for today....all of that day I feel all over.
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