Things start to become over whelming...

My Dad gets operated on and its the last time I ever here him speak.  As we are all in his room with his doctor the day gets worse.  We find out he has 3 to 6 months to live.  We all stayed strong and did not fall apart until we left him and when I got to my safe place I lost it.  I felt like things every where were just going to die and I wanted to also.

Being the oldest of 7 children I for some reason was considered the strongest, why?  I have no clue.  I guess I put up a good front and always tried to hide my emotions.  In the long run I'm happy I was that way because when I wore my heart on my sleeve I always got hurt.


Well it wasn't much later when all of the sudden my daughter tells me her blood work was showing she had cancer cells and needed to get treatment, what?  are you kidding me?  how much more can I take as I lay on the bed with her talking about her heroin use and of course she does not want to talk about that she needs money for treatments.  How dare she, looking back she knows how close I am/was to my Father and she uses something like cancer cells and treatment just to get money for her habit but at the time I had no clue.  I had been in a fog at this time for about 3 months with my Father and having cancer, finding out about my daughter doing heroin and now she claims she needs treatment.

Today as I write this and now knowing what I do I would have choked her and threw her out my window preying on me in my worst times.  At the time I did believe her about the cancer cells and they were giving her treatment but I was home bound with my Father at the time and I really could not deal with people anyway so she was hitting her Father up pretty bad for money and he gave her thousands without getting a receipt from anyone.  He would call me and tell me what it was costing him for her treatments and I asked him why it wasn't being covered as all her other medical treatment was like her MS and all the drugs get paid for either by medicaid or medicare.  I could not believe he had the nerve to call on me for help with our daughter and I told him so.  He did not believe me when I said that I thought all of the money was going to heroin because what kind of doctor would ask for cash and not take a credit card or check?  Well, talking to him was like talking to a box of blocks and he was the biggest block in it.

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