Effects on Family

Mother of an Addict: As one life leaves another one begins...

Mother of an Addict: As one life leaves another one begins...: The day is November 25th, 2011, time to bury my Father.  That morning I remember being in a panic, getting ready and then waiting on the l...

As one life leaves another one begins...

The day is November 25th, 2011, time to bury my Father.  That morning I remember being in a panic, getting ready and then waiting on the limo.  They pick us up at our home and we move on the the National Cemetery and all I kept thinking about was anyone going to say anything about my Father before he goes into the ground?  I ask if anyone was scheduled to speak and they say no and I then asked if I could be brought up to say something and I was allowed to do just that.


I remember looking at everyone as I speak about my Father and it seemed as though I didn't even have to think about what I wanted to say the words just came out so freely and I remember the crowd looking on me as I held my tears back and finished what I had to say and I notice my youngest daughter was not there.  I take my seat and I start thinking why isn't she there?  This is her grandfather, where is she?  That little witch, I'm gonna choke her.  As we leave, we leave a rose on my Father's coffin and say good bye and I feel at peace knowing he is no longer in pain.


There was a little gathering and I asked my oldest daughter where her sister was she said she didn't know.  I could tell she knew something but did not tell me.  To be honest I am surprised she made it because she has been using for at least 10 years at this point.  The day is finally over and I remember crying myself to sleep over loosing my Father and my daughter not coming to his funeral.


Okay, its now time for me to start working on myself...yeah, right!!!  My daughter had no mercy on me at all, I had no clue still at this time how bad she is on the heroin, she asks for money but she always paid me back until that December, needed the money for Christmas she said, okay I'll get it next month.  Well time goes on until her birthday in June of 2012 and I told her to keep it as a birthday present.  She didn't like that to much.  As time goes by she gets into trouble and lies about her purse being stolen out of her car in a parking lot.  Come to find out she lied and they got her for filing a false report.  She then gets into trouble for stealing, she gets tickets for speeding and all other types of things in 5 different cities.  She still keeps stealing and her license is revoked but her Father is such a block head he just believes everything she says and keeps giving her money to pay tickets and money for lawyers and money for her medications and all of it went on heroin and he gets mad at me because I will not give him any money to go towards anything, you fool you keep giving her the money and you expect me to give you money, what a fool.

Page 7

Creed: Anti Drug Song (+playlist)

Mother of an Addict: Hello,I'm starting this blog as a new journey in...

Mother of an Addict: Hello,

I'm starting this blog as a new journey in...: Hello, I'm starting this blog as a new journey in my life.  I also hope it helps others who may be going through the same things I a...

Mother of an Addict: Continuation of my Journey....

Mother of an Addict: Continuation of my Journey....: Well as I mentioned my daughter did a lot of time in college and she finally gets another degree in Drug Counseling yes, that is what I ...

Mother of an Addict: The Eye Opener....

Mother of an Addict: The Eye Opener....: So, my daughter finds a nice living room set and I got her the end tables, coffee table, lamps, area rug, some pictures and to top it off ...

Mother of an Addict: Facing the Facts...

Mother of an Addict: Facing the Facts...: Okay, here I am remembering the times I had seen her give herself her so called MS medications.  I am still floored at the idea my daught...

Mother of an Addict: Things start to become over whelming...

Mother of an Addict: Things start to become over whelming...: My Dad gets operated on and its the last time I ever here him speak.  As we are all in his room with his doctor the day gets worse.  We fi...

Mother of an Addict: Part 2 of Things start to become over whelming...

Mother of an Addict: Part 2 of Things start to become over whelming...: As time passes I see my Father is hanging in there and he keeps his spirits up as he knows his time is getting a little closer and I real...

Part 2 of Things start to become over whelming...

As time passes I see my Father is hanging in there and he keeps his spirits up as he knows his time is getting a little closer and I really thank God for my Husband and Father being so close as my Husband took care of him and at the time I was really having a hard time with knowing my Father's future was coming to a near and at the same time my troubled daughter and her drugs were really bringing me down.

My daughter would love to cause drama even though I was going through more than I could handle.  I was getting to the point that I did not want to even see her.  Every time she would come to see me there was some kind of drama and OMG she always needed money , now I know why.


November 11th, 2011, I was suppose to go to a wedding that I was so looking forward to and that day was also my younger sister's birthday when all of the sudden my Father took a turn for the worse, mind you he had just wrote me on paper how much time did I thought he had (can you imagine reading that and then looking into his eyes?) and I looked at him and told him I honestly had no clue because he is/was so strong and could be a while.  I stayed with him maybe another 5 minutes and came home to just cry.  Did it help?, yes it did for a while.  A few days had passed and I made all the calls I needed to and reached out to as many as I could and yes both my daughters did see him before he took the turn.  November 21st, 2011, my Father went into a coma around 6 a.m. we noticed but my Husband said no way he is just in a deep sleep and I have a feeling he knew but just wasn't ready.  My Father took his last breath at 11:32 a.m. and 11:39 he was considered gone but his legal time of death is 11:45 a.m. because we had to wait on someone I just can't remember.  I remember I was out having a cigarette when I walked in and seen my Mother and sister holding on to one another hand and the Priest looked at them and said he is gone and I ran to his side and all I could do or rather say was Dad go far and as high as you can get, please don't stop until you can't fly any further...(Sorry, I remember this so vividly) remember Dad, fly like an Eagle.  We played that song for him about 1 hour before he passed.  Fly Like An Eagle.

Well they held the wake on the 23rd of that month but that Thursday was Thanksgiving Day so we had to have the funeral on the 25th because they don't bury people in the National Cemetery on holidays.  On the 23rd the day of the wake both my daughters show up and I took one look at them and I knew they were high and they left within 15 minutes or I think I would have thrown them out.  How dare they show up to say good bye to their Grandfather high on heroin.  I am just so sick when I think of that moment and here I am trying to keep it together, greet family and friends and staying strong for my Mother.

Page 6

Things start to become over whelming...

My Dad gets operated on and its the last time I ever here him speak.  As we are all in his room with his doctor the day gets worse.  We find out he has 3 to 6 months to live.  We all stayed strong and did not fall apart until we left him and when I got to my safe place I lost it.  I felt like things every where were just going to die and I wanted to also.

Being the oldest of 7 children I for some reason was considered the strongest, why?  I have no clue.  I guess I put up a good front and always tried to hide my emotions.  In the long run I'm happy I was that way because when I wore my heart on my sleeve I always got hurt.


Well it wasn't much later when all of the sudden my daughter tells me her blood work was showing she had cancer cells and needed to get treatment, what?  are you kidding me?  how much more can I take as I lay on the bed with her talking about her heroin use and of course she does not want to talk about that she needs money for treatments.  How dare she, looking back she knows how close I am/was to my Father and she uses something like cancer cells and treatment just to get money for her habit but at the time I had no clue.  I had been in a fog at this time for about 3 months with my Father and having cancer, finding out about my daughter doing heroin and now she claims she needs treatment.

Today as I write this and now knowing what I do I would have choked her and threw her out my window preying on me in my worst times.  At the time I did believe her about the cancer cells and they were giving her treatment but I was home bound with my Father at the time and I really could not deal with people anyway so she was hitting her Father up pretty bad for money and he gave her thousands without getting a receipt from anyone.  He would call me and tell me what it was costing him for her treatments and I asked him why it wasn't being covered as all her other medical treatment was like her MS and all the drugs get paid for either by medicaid or medicare.  I could not believe he had the nerve to call on me for help with our daughter and I told him so.  He did not believe me when I said that I thought all of the money was going to heroin because what kind of doctor would ask for cash and not take a credit card or check?  Well, talking to him was like talking to a box of blocks and he was the biggest block in it.

Page 5

Facing the Facts...

Okay, here I am remembering the times I had seen her give herself her so called MS medications.  I am still floored at the idea my daughter is shooting Heroin into her veins, no it just made no sense to me.

Yup, I thought only people with no homes to go to or those who had no one to care for them where the ones that did Heroin, wow how wrong was I???

As I finally am able to get to the phone to called my daughter as I still have no idea on how I'm going to approach her on the subject I'm feeling a slight light headed and my belly was doing flip flops and I can feel my heart racing and I freeze up and had to wait until I get through what I was having which was a panic and anxiety attack combined.  They are not pretty and you feel like your getting ready to have a heart attack or even die.

I calm down about an hour later and pick up the phone to call her and as I bring things up of course I'm hearing all the lies but at the time I still wanting to believe her.  As we move on in our conversation she starts to get defensive and starts yelling and then screaming at me and finally I said I have had it, what you are doing is what they call main lining.  She don't say a word and now I'm all over her screaming and telling her I sick I was to think my daughter came into my home and shot up in front of me.  What a fool I was, I cried for hours.

That day was not to good for me and I called to get me a therapy session and fast, I got in to see her the next day and I was a mess.  I'm reminded about the Serenity Prayer and of course I don't want to hear I have no control over things in life even more so when it comes to my daughter.  I was such a mess for such a long time over my daughter doing this to herself that I thought for sure it was going to kill me before it could kill her.

Now as I'm doing all I can to absorb all that I had learned I get a call from my Father, he tells me he needs to go to have a tube put in his neck, I stood in shock with my mouth opened and I remember I was at the store and cashing out and they just stopped because the tears just poured down my face and I took a gulp and let my dad know I had the phone on call forwarding and I would be home as soon as possible.  I hang up and I almost fall but I caught myself and the woman asked if I wanted to sit down or call someone and I let her know that I would be fine just cash me out please.  My first thought is to get someone to my Father right away because I did not want him alone at such a bad time so my husband got to my Father in about 20 minutes.

I'm sorry, I need to stop here for today....all of that day I feel all over.

Page 4

The Eye Opener....

So, my daughter finds a nice living room set and I got her the end tables, coffee table, lamps, area rug, some pictures and to top it off a rug shampooer.  We get back to her place and she is a real bitch, I wanted to choke her for being such a ungrateful person.  Then she tells me she is sorry and needed to take her MS medication and maybe she would feel better.

I left her place as she was getting ready to do whatever and I was just so angry about how she treated me.  I thought to myself, my parents never could do what I just did for any of us kids so why did I let her make me feel so crappy about what she had, she made her bed so I should just let her lay in it as I did growing up.


She called me later that night and told me how sorry she was and she felt terrible about how she had treated me.  Sure, she just got her living room remodeled by me and it looked really good.  I guess sitting back and thinking about things looking at all the new stuff she got made her feel guilty, good!

I started to visit her more and as I did I noticed she was giving herself more and more MS medicine and I asked her how often she had to take her meds and at that time she said at least 3 times a day.  I was in shock when she told me so I asked her the name of her medicine and it was some steroid that was given intravenous and so I went online and looked it up and she was not lying, as far as I could tell.  My Husband and I fought almost daily about what my daughter was shooting as I am learning that my Father has Stage 4 cancer in his esophagus.

The year 2011 was going to be the biggest challenge of my life and I had no clue of what was coming.  Starts by finding out that my Father had bladder cancer for a second time, my daughter was sticking herself, now I basically got smacked in the head when my Husband tells me she is not doing what you think she is doing what is called main lining!!!  When he said those words I felt my stomach drop and it felt like a slap in the face because once I heard those words I knew he was right.  Holy crap, what am I going to do now and how do I handle it?

Page 3

Continuation of my Journey....

Well as I mentioned my daughter did a lot of time in college and she finally gets another degree in Drug Counseling yes, that is what I said.  She calls me to tell me some of the things people go through and it wasn't none too pretty I guess.  She worked at a hospital in Albany, New York as an Intake for people being admitted for detox.  Some for drugs and others for alcohol.  At the time she was concerned about me as I was an avid drinker of Vodka and lemonade.  She was explaining the with drawls and how bad it was to include people can actually die from this, she said.  Since then I had quit drinking just out of the blue and two days had gone by and it was my Mother who noticed I was not drinking, she asked me if I had quit and I told her I didn't even notice and truth be told I really didn't.  I don't have a clue as to why I never went through with drawls because I drank from mid morning to it was time for me to pass out.  I think God was just getting me ready for the worst time of my life.



Almost 3 years ago my Father's health started to fail him.  It started with bladder cancer and they treated him and during that time I had noticed a difference in my daughter.  I don't even know where to begin to be honest.  I think it was when I bought myself a piece of jewelry and I thought she would have been happy for me because I never go out or really enjoy myself and dang, my mom told me I should get it because I never do anything for my self and it cost over $1,625.00 and I remember I was shaking in my booties because I never would spend that kind of money on myself.  But I did and it is an investment because gold has jumped up a lot.

She screamed at me so bad telling me how much she needed a new living room set and I had a lot of nerve to buy something that was not useful.  Not useful to her anyway.  She made me feel so bad that like an idiot I told her to start looking for a living room set and if I thought it was worth it I would get it.

Page 2

Hello,

I'm starting this blog as a new journey in my life.  I also hope it helps others who may be going through the same things I am as a parent of a child addicted to heroin.


My daughter was a model at the age of 3, she did very well.  It all became to demanding for me so we agreed to stop as some days would be just so long.  As the years passed her father and I got divorced and she came to live with me.

She was a smart little girl and even though she had her days I would not change a day of it.



As time went by she asked if she could go live with her Father as he was all alone and he had no one to care for him, mind you she is only 6 years old at the time.  I told her if that was what she wanted then I was going to join the Military because it was something I always wanted but I did everything backwards in my life anyway and she was up for it.


Well, as I'm in the Army things go pretty well for an old timer like me (33 years old at the time) with all these teen age girls with so much energy and full of life of course I wonder if I did the right thing or not.  She come to visit me in South Carolina a couple of times and Korea for a week.  Let me tell you, she was 13 when she came to see me in Korea and she looked all grown up.  We stayed at a hotel and I lost track of her as she met another girl around her age and they were all over that place.  I finally find her, with a cigarette in her hand playing black jack and a waitress comes by a gives her a beer and she yells out Holly, over here.  I was so angry but had to keep my cool being in the Military and all.


I finally get out of the Military and she comes to stay with me and what a hell yin she was and still is.  She had to finish her schooling through the mail because she was always into some kind of trouble but she did finish and got her diploma.  She went to college for all sorts of things but nursing was her baby until she got into trouble and got a felony.  Well, all that nursing school money right down the drain so she just kept going to college until she found something she liked and then she did which will bring me to another day and time.

Page 1